The Sick heart

One morning after getting better from the flu, I felt well enough to pray and before my brain could catch up to mouth my lips spilled out the words: “Lord Heal my heart from sickness” and teardrops began to fall from my eyes. While crying my brain

was pacing, I didn’t understand why I would make such a statement. These words sounded so strange out loud. I didn’t know my heartfelt these sentiments. I had only been sick with the flu, I wasn’t going through any life-changing illness just suffering from a high fever and nasty flu symptoms. Why was this sickness affecting me so much emotionally? But then I remembered in that moment of crying, just a few nights ago when my body was drenched in chills from the high temperature, my mind flashed back to the many times I was in the hospital suffering from chronic illness.

For me, any episode of illness had always been very triggering. My experiences never seemed singular, no, each cold, each infection, each surgery carried a weightless yet heavy burden of every illness that I experienced in the past. It seemed as if the memory of sickness had been embedded into my cells forever. And so that morning I began to write. I had never been in this place before, the place of acknowledging how past illnesses affected my present pain. For the first time, I was now recognizing the impact that chronic illness had on my life and emotional structure.

I had a myriad of feelings when came to sickness. Complex emotions flooded my mind and heart. I felt grief, sorrow, pain, hurt, loss rejection, self-pity, anger, hopelessness and all of the above. In writing down this prayer, it helped me to come to terms with the loss I endured because of sickness and to find closure from every sick experience. I hope this prayer helps you too. I hope that even in the midst of going through something simple like the cold or flu virus you can come to full terms with your pain and let go of your loss. Sickness does not last forever and loss is only a temporary place until your heart is filled with something better.

Lord heal my heart from sickness. From the loneliness from sickness, from the isolation sickness brings. From the pain of it all. The memory of it all. Heal my heart from wanting to go outside and play but knowing I can’t because of illness. Heal my heart from it all. From the things, I lost due to sickness. The friends who walked away or didn’t quite understand. The loss of opportunities. The abandonment of the future at times due to illness. Heal it from the damage it has done to others. The sorrow/ and guilt is may have caused. From the resentment, I held on to for far too long because of this sickness. Lord heal my heart from the aftermath of sickness. No one can touch my heart as you can. No one can heal my heart as you can. No one can remove the sting from sickness as you can. Thank you, Lord, for healing me from the inside out.

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